The last few days I’ve come to observe something which could be perceived as obvious, but when we are in the thick of our lives it becomes a tunnel vision blur.

As I was utilizing CHATGPT to assess structure in my routine, seeking to maximize my life to its most authentic form without overwhelming myself (which happens quite often as I am building multiple things in all areas of my life simultaneously). A rabbit hole of my personal appearance came about. Personal appearance was never something I prioritized, having lived primarily in survival mode for many years now, especially these last few.

My personal regime was on the backburner, from haircare, skincare, attire and like. I’ve always loved clothes, makeup and such things however due to life circumstances they suddenly became a luxury. While I was trying to forage warmth in a freezing cinderblock home in a country I had never lived in before, the world of materialism I once left behind sat still collecting dust in a storage unit over 1,500 miles away. I didn’t think too much of the life I had left behind; searching for a safe place to lay my head at night was my only priority.

It’s been about 7 months since I came back to the states now searching to stabilize myself. As time goes on, I have slowly crept out of survival mode, and only now recognizing the hue within which has come to transpire from such deep seasons of personal growth.

Over the course of the last 5-9 years, the color black has infested itself into my closet, accessories, furniture, blankets, kitchenware, and perhaps my personal armor.

It never dawned on me that the color black itself represents protection; armor. It is a subconscious signal of self containment. It is a color of avoidance: of being seen, heard, felt. It is utilized to mute emotion and create distance when the true desire is intimacy. It unintentionally affirms all of what we are afraid to be true. That we are not seen, heard, felt. That we don’t have people close to us. The color black when used in the way I was (excessively) is a representation of survival in its creative form.

“I need to shield myself” is what I have been busy screaming at the world without words. Through my wardrobe and my living space.

Most of us have now probably seen color analysis on the interweb. People seek out what color pallet is true to their natural skin, hair, and eye color. They are then provided a range of colors which flatter their facial structure and highlight their structural assets. I too have come around to the color analysis intrigue, which is how I came to the enlightenment of who I have been showing up as, and why.

When I was a girl perhaps 8-13, My room was a vibrant green and yellow. Everything in my room was centered around the colors green and yellow. I believe my innocent personality was a clear representative of these lively colors; and it matched my essence rather well.

I think back to the times when my personality was worn on my sleeve: where green and yellow rays burst from my being, and part of me grieves the innocence lost. Although has relentlessly pulled me through a long era, it is time to retire this armor and open the door to invite what is next. An era of tranquility, stability, security and vibrance. Chaos, uncertainty, insecurity was well masked by my bold friend, the dark knight. But I am ready for light.

I come to confess today my friends that color does matter; it represents what we are holding on to.

It will take time to reconstruct my closet full of dark colors (and mostly synthetic clothing, ew). This next phase consists of soft neutrals, beige, sage greens, light brows and importantly organic, natural fibers. The quality of what we wear is far more valuable than cheap fast fashion.

What is your vibe telling the world? Is it aligned with what you wish to express?

What colors do you frequently wear, and what does the hue mean to you?


Stay aware, friends,

xo D KAT